It's something that exists and gives whatever this thing is the prime opportunity to use it against you and the rest of us. [ he hates that. this is the same pattern and he hates it. ] The kind of anger that's on the backburner, so you remember that it's there and you feel it, but it isn't what causes you to make snap decisions usually. But during the night, it was harder to remember why you shouldn't let your anger take over, and it was easier to go with the motions and act out.
[ she is rolling those words around in her head, trying to see how they place against what she felt and what she remembers. ]
Something... but not quite. It wasn't too long before arriving here that I felt something similar. [ she did tell him she wouldn't hold back because of his age but because his actions and his reasonings, so she'll add, as if it pains her to say: ] A little while ago, I learned I was the vessel to a goddess, and her rage and hatred leaked through when I was too upset over something.
[ ... ]
It was similar to something like that. It felt like that.
[ I knew there was some bullshit here goddamnit ara. anyway he does seem surprised by this, blinking a little as he debates how to reply. ]
Did you even have a choice then either? Or were you only meant to be the vessel without another option? [ that?? sounds terrible?? ] You'd have to spend your whole life monitoring yourself so you didn't, like, I don't know. Evoke the goddess's wrath and destroy everything around you or whatever.
[ more to the point... ]
So what you felt became too much and hit a boiling point. But separating it...I can see how it'd be a little difficult to tell where it's coming from. [ ... ] Why Sidon?
[ yeah he does feel a little bad about this now, and there's a soft frown. ]
...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed it. [ not that he has any idea, but. he wants to know why...but he has a feeling it's too difficult for her to explain.
but he wonders if there was anger attached to how easily sidon was able to express himself when she's had to restrain her feelings for so long. ]
[ ...well that's also sad for a lot of cyoa reasons but it does mean he completely understands. so it's why he doesn't speak again, looking her over briefly. ]
...don't get me wrong. I am glad you did. Even if that's going to make things harder going forward. [ ... ] For what it's worth, I'm not mad at you for what happened because this place has been designed to turn us against each other, and I'm not playing into that. I know in normal circumstances your anger would be turned elsewhere. [ ... ] And I've always appreciated how you treat me. It's why I wanted to make sure you weren't actually alone.
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Something like that?
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Something... but not quite. It wasn't too long before arriving here that I felt something similar. [ she did tell him she wouldn't hold back because of his age but because his actions and his reasonings, so she'll add, as if it pains her to say: ] A little while ago, I learned I was the vessel to a goddess, and her rage and hatred leaked through when I was too upset over something.
[ ... ]
It was similar to something like that. It felt like that.
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Did you even have a choice then either? Or were you only meant to be the vessel without another option? [ that?? sounds terrible?? ] You'd have to spend your whole life monitoring yourself so you didn't, like, I don't know. Evoke the goddess's wrath and destroy everything around you or whatever.
[ more to the point... ]
So what you felt became too much and hit a boiling point. But separating it...I can see how it'd be a little difficult to tell where it's coming from. [ ... ] Why Sidon?
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[ she doesn't finish her sentence, but a lot of it was because of this. being around other people makes things more difficult.
she curls in on herself, and she shakes her head to his last question. ]
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...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed it. [ not that he has any idea, but. he wants to know why...but he has a feeling it's too difficult for her to explain.
but he wonders if there was anger attached to how easily sidon was able to express himself when she's had to restrain her feelings for so long. ]
If you had said no, I would've accepted that.
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But I didn't want to say no to you. [ ... ] I like being around you, Shoma.
[ once she experiences the warmth of others, it is hard to return to how she used to be. ]
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...don't get me wrong. I am glad you did. Even if that's going to make things harder going forward. [ ... ] For what it's worth, I'm not mad at you for what happened because this place has been designed to turn us against each other, and I'm not playing into that. I know in normal circumstances your anger would be turned elsewhere. [ ... ] And I've always appreciated how you treat me. It's why I wanted to make sure you weren't actually alone.
[ and look at how this turned out. ]