...depends on the damage left behind. Right now the whole thing's pierced through, but without knowing what the Eudora's made of or if there're any failsafes installed I'm not sure either. It'll be a question of how to make it let us go and how to make sure it doesn't try to attach to anything else again.
It would, yeah. But...we know how that goes. [ it's difficult to be optimistic when you're proven wrong so, so frequently. ideal outcomes are hard to obtain. ] If anything, we're probably going to end up running into the real problem last-minute and having to improvise. But it's frustrating to know that we're right in its hand and we don't know how to stop it in its tracks yet.
[ there's a sigh. ]
I'd like to be optimistic, but...I used up all of it last week and it fizzled out by Sunday morning. [ this is like half a joke. ] It's just another week of horrors.
I think if we're all working on different things and finding out different information with our different skills, we'll have plenty of resources to work with. One of those things you won't know until you try a little.
[ which sounds optimistic, but the emotional vibe is just...factual. maybe a little heavier. still, it's a little hard not to smile back, even if he's not as sure. ]
Yeah. I won't deny taking a chance on certain things gave us the best, most obvious results possible. And they're results we wanted. But nothing like that lasts forever. [ ... ] To be honest with you, it's hard to hold onto it. I know we're going to be fine and we will figure this out, but I guess I'm just thinking about what's going to come after when we all get back.
I believe we will figure what we'll have to do. We've varied enough for that.
[ they can cover for each others' weak spots. she thinks shoma is still more optimistic than she is even if it is harder for him to hold onto such feelings. her expression becomes more somber.
Varied, and extremely stubborn. [ wry. he thinks everybody's just a little mad enough that they won't allow themselves to lose. but...he nods. ]
Yeah. I'm not exactly looking forward to it. [ ... ] I have to go back because Amame's waiting for me and I can't let her think I'm abandoning her now. [ "Did someone take it into their own hands?" "When my older sister saw the opportunity for revenge six years later, she took it." they had had that conversation very briefly a few weeks ago, though he never went over the extent of what that meant. ] But I don't know if I'd be so quick to do it if it weren't for that. Home's not exactly...great.
[ i have been stalling because i could not decide which of two mems to give you so maybe you'll get both but for now, suddenly, a memory rift opens and shouxue experiences this (20:19.)
a few hours go by, and you don't hear anything from ryuki or your father. you, and your three friends, call a driver to take you to the studio. you barely park before the girl with blue hair, your big sister, bursts out of the car and charges ahead while the rest of you struggle to deal with the fare and getting out of the car. and then, soon the rest occurs (to 23:22.)
all four of you are shaken by this discovery. you hear ryuki trying to speak to all of you, kizuna explaining how they got there and iris practically clinging to her. you hear the sound of your sister crying. you don't entirely register what's being said though, and soon you find yourself letting out a quiet whimper. you think ryuki's trying to get your attention. you think kizuna calls out to you. but it doesn't matter. you're overwhelmed by horror, by grief, by guilt, and without waiting you let out a loud, anguished scream and you turn around. you run away, and you disappear as quickly as you can.
(for reference shoma's actual memory does not include any of the conversation between ryuki and tama, and he does not know what message was on his dad's phone. tada)
and now, actually, perhaps another curious thing is that with the context clues shouxue may remember that shoma mentioned his sister got revenge on tearer for killing his father six years later. and yet somehow he looks exactly the same now as he does in his memory? hm. ]
[ i knew the cursor on his age in ic profiles meant something
it's a lot to take in at once. to hear shoma shout those things at his father followed by his finding his father dead in such a gruesome state. there is a very sad understanding, of the grief and guilt and horror. it resonates in a way that makes her heart sink. it takes a little while longer for her to remember what he said and to piece together his age.... or his apparent age. it makes how he acts now click into place even more even if she's still grasping at what it means.
[ :) "why are there so many 12yos in these games ty" well you see.
but yeah. yeah. he has seen this memory come up a lot over his time here, and he's also had to think about how things with his father ended since coming here. not that he hasn't thought about it repeatedly over the last six years, but still.
he does know that seeing something like this is bound to raise questions, but...it's shouxue. so she gets a slightly soft but resigned smile when she starts to reply. he won't deny he's gone through a lot, even if he'd never say so first himself. this is just life. ]
...there are a lot of "hows" I probably need to answer, huh? [ but his emotions about it seem pretty quiet. ] Which one first?
You don't have to answer anything you don't want to.
[ even if she asks questions, she doesn't expect a reply, and she won't push. or she'll try not to push.
she still doesn't know where to start. ]
How... have you endured?
[ endured the grief, endured having to be, what she assumes, stuck physically at the age he last saw his father? she can't imagine it'd be easy to live in society. ]
I know. [ he doesn't answer the things he doesn't want to address, but he does think perhaps being forthright isn't the worst thing.
how have you endured, she asks, and he thinks back a little on some of the things he's said to her.
"I do not think it is something everyone should experience, but it can help bring closure to some. It is dependent on how people grieve."
(I think I'm still figuring that out.)
"Some people don't want to show how they really feel. And some people can't. Not fully, anyway. But my age shouldn't be a reason to treat things differently. You're sixteen. There's not much of a difference between us either."
"...people already treat me really, really differently at home as it is because of how they see me. So if I have to be here, I'd rather people treat me how they want based on talking to me instead of because of something like that."
it's a loaded question, if anything. ]
...not well, truthfully. There's a lot of things I'm still not completely over. [ there were reasons he was very standoffish and quiet and not exactly open to people when they first arrived and those reasons are that sometimes things happen and the world treats you like garbage. ] After my dad died, I was living by myself. My sister would come by to visit all the time and help take care of things, but she still had work and school and her own life, too. Even so, Amame's a big part of why I'm still here at all. There were a lot of times I thought about just...you know. Not. [ sometimes you do admit that you kind of wanted to die because of how the world was. ] But she always got me through it.
...there were things...that were happening at the same time. They changed the situation permanently, and no matter what I did there was no getting around the way things were. People started to avoid me, or they made fun of me, or they were creeped out by my appearance. This went on for years, so I finally dropped out of school a couple of weeks before we got here. I'm going to go back now because I have to graduate so I can figure things out until Amame's released, but...I have no idea how getting a job is going to go. Or how people are going to treat me out there. I've been mostly alone the last six years.
[ because even before that most of his friends ditched him and he just isolated himself even further. ]
It's taken me a really long time to get to the point I can even start thinking people might not be consistently awful. But being here and meeting so many people that were better andkinder has changed things a lot.
[ she holds out her hands to him, palms up. he doesn't need to take them for her to say anything. she simply wants to offer them to him. ]
It must have been so difficult to become so alone that you can't think to choose anything but be alone.
[ she has never wanted to die, but she has been tired of existing enough that if death came for her, she wouldn't be upset about it despite how scared she is to die. it pains her to know anyone she's come to care for has felt this way. ]
But I think it's a testament to your resilience that you are still here, even if it's only because of your sister, and it speaks more of your strength that you've come to accept people again and you are willing to try again.
[ because as horrible as it is to be so alone, she also thinks it's scary to try to no longer be alone again. ]
[ he will take her hands, yeah. another testimony to the growth he's managed to find here, maybe, as someone who was previously adverse to any sort of touch. ]
...thank you. [ there's a lot he can say here. he could say that yes, it was extremely difficult to be so alone and lonely due to circumstances out of his control. he could say that he doesn't always feel resilient because sometimes even now he wavers on how he feels about, well, everything about his whole life. he could say that he's definitely willing to try at least because a lot of people want him to try. but overall even if little fragments of those sentiments slip through into slightly readable thoughts, what he says is that. ] You know that includes you, right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ how do you repair roots in the hull?
the tone i want is cr buiding :pleading_face: ]
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...depends on the damage left behind. Right now the whole thing's pierced through, but without knowing what the Eudora's made of or if there're any failsafes installed I'm not sure either. It'll be a question of how to make it let us go and how to make sure it doesn't try to attach to anything else again.
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[ she is never optimistic. ]
That would be the ideal outcome.
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[ there's a sigh. ]
I'd like to be optimistic, but...I used up all of it last week and it fizzled out by Sunday morning. [ this is like half a joke. ] It's just another week of horrors.
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[ she smiles a little. ]
Your optimism brought about a lot of visible results, don't you think?
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[ which sounds optimistic, but the emotional vibe is just...factual. maybe a little heavier. still, it's a little hard not to smile back, even if he's not as sure. ]
Yeah. I won't deny taking a chance on certain things gave us the best, most obvious results possible. And they're results we wanted. But nothing like that lasts forever. [ ... ] To be honest with you, it's hard to hold onto it. I know we're going to be fine and we will figure this out, but I guess I'm just thinking about what's going to come after when we all get back.
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[ they can cover for each others' weak spots. she thinks shoma is still more optimistic than she is even if it is harder for him to hold onto such feelings. her expression becomes more somber.
nothing lasts forever. ]
You mean, when we all have to part?
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Yeah. I'm not exactly looking forward to it. [ ... ] I have to go back because Amame's waiting for me and I can't let her think I'm abandoning her now. [ "Did someone take it into their own hands?" "When my older sister saw the opportunity for revenge six years later, she took it." they had had that conversation very briefly a few weeks ago, though he never went over the extent of what that meant. ] But I don't know if I'd be so quick to do it if it weren't for that. Home's not exactly...great.
[ i have been stalling because i could not decide which of two mems to give you so maybe you'll get both but for now, suddenly, a memory rift opens and shouxue experiences this (20:19.)
a few hours go by, and you don't hear anything from ryuki or your father. you, and your three friends, call a driver to take you to the studio. you barely park before the girl with blue hair, your big sister, bursts out of the car and charges ahead while the rest of you struggle to deal with the fare and getting out of the car. and then, soon the rest occurs (to 23:22.)
all four of you are shaken by this discovery. you hear ryuki trying to speak to all of you, kizuna explaining how they got there and iris practically clinging to her. you hear the sound of your sister crying. you don't entirely register what's being said though, and soon you find yourself letting out a quiet whimper. you think ryuki's trying to get your attention. you think kizuna calls out to you. but it doesn't matter. you're overwhelmed by horror, by grief, by guilt, and without waiting you let out a loud, anguished scream and you turn around. you run away, and you disappear as quickly as you can.
(for reference shoma's actual memory does not include any of the conversation between ryuki and tama, and he does not know what message was on his dad's phone. tada)
and now, actually, perhaps another curious thing is that with the context clues shouxue may remember that shoma mentioned his sister got revenge on tearer for killing his father six years later. and yet somehow he looks exactly the same now as he does in his memory? hm. ]
no subject
it's a lot to take in at once. to hear shoma shout those things at his father followed by his finding his father dead in such a gruesome state. there is a very sad understanding, of the grief and guilt and horror. it resonates in a way that makes her heart sink. it takes a little while longer for her to remember what he said and to piece together his age.... or his apparent age. it makes how he acts now click into place even more even if she's still grasping at what it means.
she doesn't know what to start with first. ]
Shoma... You have gone through so much. How...?
[ not great is an understatement. ]
no subject
but yeah. yeah. he has seen this memory come up a lot over his time here, and he's also had to think about how things with his father ended since coming here. not that he hasn't thought about it repeatedly over the last six years, but still.
he does know that seeing something like this is bound to raise questions, but...it's shouxue. so she gets a slightly soft but resigned smile when she starts to reply. he won't deny he's gone through a lot, even if he'd never say so first himself. this is just life. ]
...there are a lot of "hows" I probably need to answer, huh? [ but his emotions about it seem pretty quiet. ] Which one first?
no subject
[ even if she asks questions, she doesn't expect a reply, and she won't push. or she'll try not to push.
she still doesn't know where to start. ]
How... have you endured?
[ endured the grief, endured having to be, what she assumes, stuck physically at the age he last saw his father? she can't imagine it'd be easy to live in society. ]
no subject
how have you endured, she asks, and he thinks back a little on some of the things he's said to her.
"I do not think it is something everyone should experience, but it can help bring closure to some. It is dependent on how people grieve."
(I think I'm still figuring that out.)
"Some people don't want to show how they really feel. And some people can't. Not fully, anyway. But my age shouldn't be a reason to treat things differently. You're sixteen. There's not much of a difference between us either."
"...people already treat me really, really differently at home as it is because of how they see me. So if I have to be here, I'd rather people treat me how they want based on talking to me instead of because of something like that."
it's a loaded question, if anything. ]
...not well, truthfully. There's a lot of things I'm still not completely over. [ there were reasons he was very standoffish and quiet and not exactly open to people when they first arrived and those reasons are that sometimes things happen and the world treats you like garbage. ] After my dad died, I was living by myself. My sister would come by to visit all the time and help take care of things, but she still had work and school and her own life, too. Even so, Amame's a big part of why I'm still here at all. There were a lot of times I thought about just...you know. Not. [ sometimes you do admit that you kind of wanted to die because of how the world was. ] But she always got me through it.
...there were things...that were happening at the same time. They changed the situation permanently, and no matter what I did there was no getting around the way things were. People started to avoid me, or they made fun of me, or they were creeped out by my appearance. This went on for years, so I finally dropped out of school a couple of weeks before we got here. I'm going to go back now because I have to graduate so I can figure things out until Amame's released, but...I have no idea how getting a job is going to go. Or how people are going to treat me out there. I've been mostly alone the last six years.
[ because even before that most of his friends ditched him and he just isolated himself even further. ]
It's taken me a really long time to get to the point I can even start thinking people might not be consistently awful. But being here and meeting so many people that were better andkinder has changed things a lot.
no subject
It must have been so difficult to become so alone that you can't think to choose anything but be alone.
[ she has never wanted to die, but she has been tired of existing enough that if death came for her, she wouldn't be upset about it despite how scared she is to die. it pains her to know anyone she's come to care for has felt this way. ]
But I think it's a testament to your resilience that you are still here, even if it's only because of your sister, and it speaks more of your strength that you've come to accept people again and you are willing to try again.
[ because as horrible as it is to be so alone, she also thinks it's scary to try to no longer be alone again. ]
I'm glad to hear the people here have helped you.
no subject
...thank you. [ there's a lot he can say here. he could say that yes, it was extremely difficult to be so alone and lonely due to circumstances out of his control. he could say that he doesn't always feel resilient because sometimes even now he wavers on how he feels about, well, everything about his whole life. he could say that he's definitely willing to try at least because a lot of people want him to try. but overall even if little fragments of those sentiments slip through into slightly readable thoughts, what he says is that. ] You know that includes you, right?