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[ she grabs hold of one of his hands, as a confirmation. ]
... The Diluc I know did not live in Arpéchéle. He lives in a world with a vineyard, with a hill that overlooks some of the most beautiful scenery I've seen. He wishes to see it again.
He is sure in what he knows and what he wants, and he can be as angry and determined as any raging fire.
... I am here, and I am still struggling to be fine with some people because you are here.
... The Diluc I know did not live in Arpéchéle. He lives in a world with a vineyard, with a hill that overlooks some of the most beautiful scenery I've seen. He wishes to see it again.
He is sure in what he knows and what he wants, and he can be as angry and determined as any raging fire.
... I am here, and I am still struggling to be fine with some people because you are here.
[ he's quiet for a moment... but i'm just gonna assume she coughs again at some point, so he can finally ask, ]
...Is there something on your mind? Eunhyuk said it might ease our symptoms, if we don't withhold our thoughts.
...But only if you'd like to share.
...Is there something on your mind? Eunhyuk said it might ease our symptoms, if we don't withhold our thoughts.
...But only if you'd like to share.
[ his gaze falls to their hands. the touch is grounding, and her words feel... right. ]
...I did— [ live in a world with a vineyard. ] I do.
[ mondstadt returns to him in fragments of color, the city and the winery. of all his memories, these are the most compelling and anchoring. ]
You don't need to. Not on my behalf.
[ he gives her hand a light squeeze. clarity continues to return in increments. ]
...Thank you, Shouxue.
[ he thinks he has a better idea who he's supposed to be, now. ]
...I did— [ live in a world with a vineyard. ] I do.
[ mondstadt returns to him in fragments of color, the city and the winery. of all his memories, these are the most compelling and anchoring. ]
You don't need to. Not on my behalf.
[ he gives her hand a light squeeze. clarity continues to return in increments. ]
...Thank you, Shouxue.
[ he thinks he has a better idea who he's supposed to be, now. ]
[ she squeezes his hand gently. ]
I do not need to, but I can't control how I feel. I... do not know what I would do, if you did not remember our time until Saturday.
[ she doesn't want to consider if it would hurt more than watching him die in front of her. ]
I do not need to, but I can't control how I feel. I... do not know what I would do, if you did not remember our time until Saturday.
[ she doesn't want to consider if it would hurt more than watching him die in front of her. ]
[ he takes her hand. ]
If there's a way for you to come back with me to Teyvat, you are welcome.
[ but the last they spoke of this, she'd said she hadn't wanted to abandon her duty. which is unfortunately something he can also understand, and would feel obligated to respect.
but as much as she deserves her agency, and the right to make her own decisions, she is still a child. he cannot in good conscience send her back to miserable conditions without offering everything he can first to assist her. ]
It will not be an easy transition, but I have resources. I will find a way, should you wish for it.
[ he doesn't want to control her fate. and there would quite a few logistical hurdles, but he does want to at least give her options where she sees none. ]
If there's a way for you to come back with me to Teyvat, you are welcome.
[ but the last they spoke of this, she'd said she hadn't wanted to abandon her duty. which is unfortunately something he can also understand, and would feel obligated to respect.
but as much as she deserves her agency, and the right to make her own decisions, she is still a child. he cannot in good conscience send her back to miserable conditions without offering everything he can first to assist her. ]
It will not be an easy transition, but I have resources. I will find a way, should you wish for it.
[ he doesn't want to control her fate. and there would quite a few logistical hurdles, but he does want to at least give her options where she sees none. ]
[ oh. oh, no. something painful twists in her chest. there is a burning sensation behind her eyes, but no tears fall. she closes her eyes before the sheen becomes too obvious.
his care hurts as much as it heals her. it shines on where she's been hollow. ]
I am trapped in my duty. I will not hide that fact. I do not want to abandon the people I have come to care about there, or here.
[ she has no true patriotic feelings for a country that has abandoned and imprisoned her, but she has too soft a heart to abandon people who have been good to her. ]
There are other worries I have, beyond my duty. [ she looks at their connected hands, and she coughs out petals that color her fear and resignation. ] I do not know if I... can live for long outside of my country.
his care hurts as much as it heals her. it shines on where she's been hollow. ]
I am trapped in my duty. I will not hide that fact. I do not want to abandon the people I have come to care about there, or here.
[ she has no true patriotic feelings for a country that has abandoned and imprisoned her, but she has too soft a heart to abandon people who have been good to her. ]
There are other worries I have, beyond my duty. [ she looks at their connected hands, and she coughs out petals that color her fear and resignation. ] I do not know if I... can live for long outside of my country.
[ it's fine it's fine don't worry about flowers it's fine
this reaction shocks shouxue, and it sends her emotions into turbulence. it's nothing that she expected, and the meaning behind it makes her tremble slightly.
usually, she doesn't say anything after her memory is shown, but this... this gets her to say something. ]
I was not hurt, Diluc. [ physically. ]
this reaction shocks shouxue, and it sends her emotions into turbulence. it's nothing that she expected, and the meaning behind it makes her tremble slightly.
usually, she doesn't say anything after her memory is shown, but this... this gets her to say something. ]
I was not hurt, Diluc. [ physically. ]
[ CLOSES EYES BETWEEN THIS AND MEMSHARE. AHHH!!!! SHOUXUE!!!!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!
his hand curls tighter around hers. ]
...Your people are fortunate to have you.
[ but that's not all there is to it, unfortunately. something cold drops into the pit of his stomach when she coughs up petals. for a moment—just for a moment—he feels a tickle at his throat. the feelings of despair blooming afresh in his chest.
he's quiet for a moment, emotion flickering across his tense gaze. but he forces himself to swallow down what misgivings he has. he will not lose hope, especially not in front of her. ]
Have you been cursed...?
his hand curls tighter around hers. ]
...Your people are fortunate to have you.
[ but that's not all there is to it, unfortunately. something cold drops into the pit of his stomach when she coughs up petals. for a moment—just for a moment—he feels a tickle at his throat. the feelings of despair blooming afresh in his chest.
he's quiet for a moment, emotion flickering across his tense gaze. but he forces himself to swallow down what misgivings he has. he will not lose hope, especially not in front of her. ]
Have you been cursed...?
Gaojun pulled me out of the way and was injured in my place.
[ she looks away, her expression troubled. ]
I was able to dismantle the doll he made.
[ she flinches at his thought, and there is trickle of despair to accompany it. ]
I am not yet. I do not want to be. I am... I suppose I'm the vessel for her.
[ she looks away, her expression troubled. ]
I was able to dismantle the doll he made.
[ she flinches at his thought, and there is trickle of despair to accompany it. ]
I am not yet. I do not want to be. I am... I suppose I'm the vessel for her.
...I see.
[ so she wasn't hurt, though someone she cared for was injured in her place. (also ara i am so sorry i have such poor understanding of this canon. diluc should be smarter please do not blame him for my ooc failings...) ]
What happens when you fully become the Raven?
[ he does not understand how it's supposed to bring salvation to her people, only that it is costing her her life. ]
...Are you in pain, now...?
[ so she wasn't hurt, though someone she cared for was injured in her place. (also ara i am so sorry i have such poor understanding of this canon. diluc should be smarter please do not blame him for my ooc failings...) ]
What happens when you fully become the Raven?
[ he does not understand how it's supposed to bring salvation to her people, only that it is costing her her life. ]
...Are you in pain, now...?
[ she would not say they are fortunate when she does so little, when she thinks there isn't much she can do.
his question makes her pause because no one has ever phrased it that way. it's not right, but from what she's learned recently before coming here, it may not be wrong either. ]
When I was chosen to become the Raven Consort, that was a sign that the goddess, Niao Lian, claimed me. If I leave, she will take it as a sign of betrayal, and I will die.
[ in some ways, she is more like a sacrifice than cursed. ]
I do not know if I can escape her.
[ on account of their souls now being intermingled. ]
his question makes her pause because no one has ever phrased it that way. it's not right, but from what she's learned recently before coming here, it may not be wrong either. ]
When I was chosen to become the Raven Consort, that was a sign that the goddess, Niao Lian, claimed me. If I leave, she will take it as a sign of betrayal, and I will die.
[ in some ways, she is more like a sacrifice than cursed. ]
I do not know if I can escape her.
[ on account of their souls now being intermingled. ]
[ he frowns quietly. ]
There may still be a way. I do not mean to offer empty promises, but everything we've seen and experienced has been beyond impossible. We walk among individuals who conjure miracles without so much as batting an eye.
[ so many aboard this ship with powers and capabilities beyond his understanding. it doesn't feel right to him, that there would be no means to help her at all. ]
...Would that I could help you myself, and those you care for. [ but he understands that is not his battle to fight. ]
There may still be a way. I do not mean to offer empty promises, but everything we've seen and experienced has been beyond impossible. We walk among individuals who conjure miracles without so much as batting an eye.
[ so many aboard this ship with powers and capabilities beyond his understanding. it doesn't feel right to him, that there would be no means to help her at all. ]
...Would that I could help you myself, and those you care for. [ but he understands that is not his battle to fight. ]
[ it's okay. shouxue doesn't really talk about her deep lore much because it's a point of contention for her, so if he doesn't fully understand, it's on her. he was right in the other thread that she is kind of cursed, but she doesn't know it yet at her canon point. ]
I'm not sure. I don't know if any of the previous Raven Consorts have ever fully become her. Perhaps it is because humans cannot fully become gods? But the goddess will likely find and choose a new Raven Consort eventually.
[ ... ]
I do not feel pain unless there is a new moon.
I'm not sure. I don't know if any of the previous Raven Consorts have ever fully become her. Perhaps it is because humans cannot fully become gods? But the goddess will likely find and choose a new Raven Consort eventually.
[ ... ]
I do not feel pain unless there is a new moon.
I know many have means do to things beyond my world, and I do not know if what traps me in my world will extend so far out to where we are now, but...
[ she does think there are possibilities, but part of her problem is in whether she thinks she should accept those possibilities.
her emotions are a tangle of guilt and atonement. ]
... That you care is enough.
[ she does think there are possibilities, but part of her problem is in whether she thinks she should accept those possibilities.
her emotions are a tangle of guilt and atonement. ]
... That you care is enough.
That is still too often.
[ his hands move to gather hers between his own. heat radiates through his palms. ]
...What is it that you need?
[ to save yourself? to save your loved ones?
a way to separate souls? a way to slay a goddess? (self-acceptance, perhaps, but her guilt had not been entirely palpable to him when they spoke of this in the week prior.)
...she had said it was enough that he cared. he doesn't agree. ]
[ his hands move to gather hers between his own. heat radiates through his palms. ]
...What is it that you need?
[ to save yourself? to save your loved ones?
a way to separate souls? a way to slay a goddess? (self-acceptance, perhaps, but her guilt had not been entirely palpable to him when they spoke of this in the week prior.)
...she had said it was enough that he cared. he doesn't agree. ]
[ she looks at their hands, and her emotions tremble. she feels fragile, as diluc's warmth seeps into her and exposes all the cracks in her heart.
shouxue desperately wants to be saved and cry for help. a part of her wants to scream for it. a part of her would do anything to no longer be the raven consort. she would quit, if she only felt like she could, but the largest part of her, the one who's lived this life for so long, the part that's been resigned, the part that wants to atone thinks:
i don't deserve to. ]
... I can't say. It wouldn't be...
[ fair. ]
shouxue desperately wants to be saved and cry for help. a part of her wants to scream for it. a part of her would do anything to no longer be the raven consort. she would quit, if she only felt like she could, but the largest part of her, the one who's lived this life for so long, the part that's been resigned, the part that wants to atone thinks:
i don't deserve to. ]
... I can't say. It wouldn't be...
[ fair. ]
[ by virtue of affection week, he'll draw her in again for a hug, arms wrapping protectively around her slight frame.
she deserves better. whether she can hear his thoughts or not, his feelings are obvious, stubbornly so. there's the familiar flicker of anger too, quiet but heated, at the injustice of it all. ]
Why wouldn't it be?
[ nothing has been fair.
she's just a child. if anyone deserves to be saved, to be granted a chance at a real life, it is shouxue. ]
she deserves better. whether she can hear his thoughts or not, his feelings are obvious, stubbornly so. there's the familiar flicker of anger too, quiet but heated, at the injustice of it all. ]
Why wouldn't it be?
[ nothing has been fair.
she's just a child. if anyone deserves to be saved, to be granted a chance at a real life, it is shouxue. ]
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