[ she think she's starting to understand what's going on now. not the full context of what's in front of her but how this is a different shape to a memory.
shouxue's first inclination isn't usually violence, but she does think people deserve to be punished for irrevocable crimes. she doesn't think this man should go free. luke seems to think this man can't go free.
the dagger is heavy in her hand. she doesn't want to kill joshua ott, but he should be stopped.
[Shouxue goes with her instincts, moving to subdue Joshua. He panics, but her body moves with precision and ease--he is no match for her. Soon enough, he is on his knees, trembling. All she needs to do is get the truth from him, and turn him over to be imprisoned. No one needs to get hurt more than this.
But.
This man is dangerous. And a proven liar. She can't take that risk, can she?
This time, the pull on her hand is irresistible. The dagger rises, until it rests against Joshua's neck. He looks at her with wide, terrified eyes, shaking like a leaf. And suddenly her hand is moving again, pulled back, back, back--]
"Luke?"
[The voice comes from behind her. And Shouxue finds her head moving, unbidden--until she sees a young woman who certainly wasn't there before. She is looking at Shouxue with a frightened, horrified, expression. Shouxue will feel her blood run cold. This is the woman she--he--loves, the one person who was never supposed to see him like this, and she's backing away, and--]
[ MISS ROSAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU now shouxue knows luke can't ship. :face_holding_back_tears:
the sudden appearance of the woman shocks her and before she can process those new emotions, the dream ends. it's a nightmare for luke, but it's a dream to her. she's a little disoriented after a wake, but once she sees Luke, she's certain. ]
[When I leave this game single you will know it was not my fault
Despite her lack of judgment, he looks hesitant.]
Normally, I wouldn't talk about confidential work... [But... well. She saw most of that already. If she knows most of the context anyway, at this point, it would do more harm than good to leave her with her misconceptions.]
...Ott is fine. He's back in prison now. We were able to find the artifact he was looking for and return it safely to its home country. I promise, I never tried to kill him.
[ it is still a little bit your fault for choosing characters like this.
his confidentiality is already compromised. dreams are rude that way. she doesn't like death for no reason and she does think to live is more suffering, but... ]
I do not condone murder, but is he not a waste of space?
THIS IS NOT AT ALL THE RESPONSE HE EXPECTED SO HE JUST BLINKS AT HER IN SURPRISE]
Uh-- [WELL. Actually maybe he should be less surprised by this. Punishment by murder was legal and acceptable for so long...] Yeah, he is. The country he stole from has pretty strict laws, so I'll be surprised if he ever gets back out.
[But it's not really his problem unless the dude comes back to Stellis anyway]
[Well, she's not wrong. But he's still a little bit (awkward_man_standing) because he really isn't used to people who aren't his colleagues seeing him that way, but he can't argue with her.]
I wouldn't have let that happen. [He does want to make that clear, even though he is so much more normal about killing people than that nightmare made it seem.] No matter what. I-- [...He hesitates, but. She already saw, so--] --there were people on that island I had to protect.
[Like--everybody, notably, because that's his job. But he's only human; his team matters to him, and she, of course, is someone he'd never allow to come to harm.]
[SOMETIMES........ YOU CONTAIN MULTITUDES...... such as being both a top and a bottom, sometimes even simultaneously and with the same person. "You mean a switch, pixi?" No. No I don't.
BUT ALSO WHY THIS. WHY!!! DON'T JUST PERCEIVE HIM SO ACCURATELY AAAAAAAAA WHAT IF HE DIES AGAIN RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT. He shifts awkwardly, looking very much like he wants to be anywhere but here at this very moment. It's not even the first time someone has called him out on this (because he is not all that subtle), but he's so used to guarding all his secrets that he never knows what to do. At least when it's more-or-less well-intentioned people, or straightforward people like Shouxue.]
We... grew up together. [That's. Not an answer. But his terrible dodging is probably its own answer?] Our moms were best friends.
it's not hard to perceive when the dream laid it out simply. she, unfortunately (for me, ara), isn't too interested in people's love lives or that kind gossip, but there are a couple items of contention (that she may or may not be hypocritical about). ]
You have known her for a long time. You are keeping many secrets from her.
[Correct. ALSO RIP YOUR IC SHIP CHARTS!!! Dahut truly has to carry this graveyard in so many ways.
Funnily enough, Shouxue's assessment is spot on in so many ways, but at least for this--]
She knows. She was there with me when we caught up to him. [It just works differently in his nightmares, because he didn't want her to be there. He sent her off for his first session with Ott--he just didn't have time to do it again.] ...But she shouldn't have been. It's not something she should've had to worry about.
[He hadn't wanted her to see him like that--so different from the warm, loving, happy person he always tries to show her. I promise I'll always be the person you like when I'm with you.
In reality, she'd reassured him that she understood the necessity of his ruthlessness; in his heart, he still believes that she shouldn't even know that side of him exists.]
Why? Don't you think that's something she wants to know about you? If you love her.... and if she cares about you, why don't you want her to know?
[ is it for her sake? his sake? she can see both.
she understands keeping secrets because the truth can and does hurt, but it's almost as if.... ]
Don't you want to be with her?
[ she doesn't or shouldn't have the luxury to be with people, but even if he weren't dead... even if he didn't have whatever illness that killed him.... does he not want to be with her? ]
[Truthfully, it is indeed both--but Luke won't say that, because that selfishness is something he's shoved down since he was a child, so much so that it is unconscious and ingrained in him now. The lies he tells, the facades he wears--all of it has tangled selfishness and selflessness so messily, but he doesn't often examine it too closely. Instead, he takes control over situations before anyone else can think to pick at the knots, and deflects, deflects, deflects if they try.
So the answer he gives her isn't a lie, even if it's not the whole story.]
The work I do is top secret and very dangerous. It's not only her--I don't tell anyone the details unless they absolutely need to know. None of us do. It's for everyone's safety, and to make sure our missions aren't compromised. It couldn't be helped that time, but normally, I would never put her life at risk that way.
[Sometimes you are a secret agent and it's messy...
But he knows that's not exactly what she's asking either, and he did just put her through reliving that memory. He can give her a little bit more honesty, even if it's hard.]
...The person I am around a man like him is not the same as the person she grew up with. I don't... want her to think I would ever be like that with her. I want our memories to be happy ones.
[He has only ever tried to be warm, and safe, and reliable for her. I'll only be the person you like when I'm with you.]
I don't know her, but why would she think you'd be like that with her? Living with someone... being around someone... it can't always be happy. It won't always be happy.
[ that's the price of living, of being. ]
Isn't it better if you're with someone knowing the kind of person you can be?
[ they are dead right now. so it's all hypotheticals, but she thinks what he wants for the girl in his memories is a false kind of life. ]
[Quite honestly, he isn't going to explain all his thoughts on the matter to her--partly because she's young, but mostly because it's clear enough to him that she isn't going to agree, or even really understand.
Instead, he shakes his head, clarifying something that he doesn't want Shouxue to misunderstand--]
We're not--together. [He can't say he doesn't love her--especially not when Shouxue walked his memories and lived his feelings. She already knows that much.] She isn't... with me, like that.
AND HELP. This would be so awkward if he didn't have a lifetime of experience correcting people's misconceptions about himself and Rosa, so he just smiles, though it's a tiny bit strained.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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shouxue's first inclination isn't usually violence, but she does think people deserve to be punished for irrevocable crimes. she doesn't think this man should go free. luke seems to think this man can't go free.
the dagger is heavy in her hand. she doesn't want to kill joshua ott, but he should be stopped.
she will try to restrain him with force. ]
1/2
But.
This man is dangerous. And a proven liar. She can't take that risk, can she?
This time, the pull on her hand is irresistible. The dagger rises, until it rests against Joshua's neck. He looks at her with wide, terrified eyes, shaking like a leaf. And suddenly her hand is moving again, pulled back, back, back--]
"Luke?"
[The voice comes from behind her. And Shouxue finds her head moving, unbidden--until she sees a young woman who certainly wasn't there before. She is looking at Shouxue with a frightened, horrified, expression. Shouxue will feel her blood run cold. This is the woman she--he--loves, the one person who was never supposed to see him like this, and she's backing away, and--]
2/2
No, that's not...!
[--Shouxue can wake up.
And Luke can too, finally. He looks mildly disoriented as the scene vanishes around them, until his gaze settles on her, and he blinks, startled.]
Shouxue--?
[He hadn't realized anyone else was there.]
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the sudden appearance of the woman shocks her and before she can process those new emotions, the dream ends. it's a nightmare for luke, but it's a dream to her. she's a little disoriented after a wake, but once she sees Luke, she's certain. ]
Luke. Was that....?
[ now she knows he's a freak. ]
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That was--it wasn't like that. It didn't happen that way. [It was more accurate than he'd care to admit, but this is still the truth.] I'm so sorry.
[That she had to see him like that, even in a nightmare.]
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she shakes her head. ]
You didn't make that happen. [ she looks up at him. ] It didn't happen that way, but something like that did happen, didn't it?
[ there's no judgment in her tone. ]
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Despite her lack of judgment, he looks hesitant.]
Normally, I wouldn't talk about confidential work... [But... well. She saw most of that already. If she knows most of the context anyway, at this point, it would do more harm than good to leave her with her misconceptions.]
...Ott is fine. He's back in prison now. We were able to find the artifact he was looking for and return it safely to its home country. I promise, I never tried to kill him.
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his confidentiality is already compromised. dreams are rude that way. she doesn't like death for no reason and she does think to live is more suffering, but... ]
I do not condone murder, but is he not a waste of space?
[ at least that's what the dream told her. ]
As long as he is being properly punished.
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THIS IS NOT AT ALL THE RESPONSE HE EXPECTED SO HE JUST BLINKS AT HER IN SURPRISE]
Uh-- [WELL. Actually maybe he should be less surprised by this. Punishment by murder was legal and acceptable for so long...] Yeah, he is. The country he stole from has pretty strict laws, so I'll be surprised if he ever gets back out.
[But it's not really his problem unless the dude comes back to Stellis anyway]
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she had a fear about it. ]
Then, it's not an issue. If he can no longer harm others, that's what matters.
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I wouldn't have let that happen. [He does want to make that clear, even though he is so much more normal about killing people than that nightmare made it seem.] No matter what. I-- [...He hesitates, but. She already saw, so--] --there were people on that island I had to protect.
[Like--everybody, notably, because that's his job. But he's only human; his team matters to him, and she, of course, is someone he'd never allow to come to harm.]
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[ she gets what he means, but she also knows how much he panicked especially at the end because of that one person. ]
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She is--[Ah. Um. Ahem.]--one of them, yes.
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shouxue doesn't think any of this. she thinks that he's suddenly so shy for someone who could have killed a man. ]
You love her.
[ she says it not in a teasing way or as if she's digging for gossip and deets but matter-of-fact. ]
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BUT ALSO WHY THIS. WHY!!! DON'T JUST PERCEIVE HIM SO ACCURATELY AAAAAAAAA WHAT IF HE DIES AGAIN RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT. He shifts awkwardly, looking very much like he wants to be anywhere but here at this very moment. It's not even the first time someone has called him out on this (because he is not all that subtle), but he's so used to guarding all his secrets that he never knows what to do. At least when it's more-or-less well-intentioned people, or straightforward people like Shouxue.]
We... grew up together. [That's. Not an answer. But his terrible dodging is probably its own answer?] Our moms were best friends.
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it's not hard to perceive when the dream laid it out simply. she, unfortunately (for me, ara), isn't too interested in people's love lives or that kind gossip, but there are a couple items of contention (that she may or may not be hypocritical about). ]
You have known her for a long time. You are keeping many secrets from her.
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Funnily enough, Shouxue's assessment is spot on in so many ways, but at least for this--]
She knows. She was there with me when we caught up to him. [It just works differently in his nightmares, because he didn't want her to be there. He sent her off for his first session with Ott--he just didn't have time to do it again.] ...But she shouldn't have been. It's not something she should've had to worry about.
[He hadn't wanted her to see him like that--so different from the warm, loving, happy person he always tries to show her. I promise I'll always be the person you like when I'm with you.
In reality, she'd reassured him that she understood the necessity of his ruthlessness; in his heart, he still believes that she shouldn't even know that side of him exists.]
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[ is it for her sake? his sake? she can see both.
she understands keeping secrets because the truth can and does hurt, but it's almost as if.... ]
Don't you want to be with her?
[ she doesn't or shouldn't have the luxury to be with people, but even if he weren't dead... even if he didn't have whatever illness that killed him.... does he not want to be with her? ]
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So the answer he gives her isn't a lie, even if it's not the whole story.]
The work I do is top secret and very dangerous. It's not only her--I don't tell anyone the details unless they absolutely need to know. None of us do. It's for everyone's safety, and to make sure our missions aren't compromised. It couldn't be helped that time, but normally, I would never put her life at risk that way.
[Sometimes you are a secret agent and it's messy...
But he knows that's not exactly what she's asking either, and he did just put her through reliving that memory. He can give her a little bit more honesty, even if it's hard.]
...The person I am around a man like him is not the same as the person she grew up with. I don't... want her to think I would ever be like that with her. I want our memories to be happy ones.
[He has only ever tried to be warm, and safe, and reliable for her. I'll only be the person you like when I'm with you.]
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[ that's the price of living, of being. ]
Isn't it better if you're with someone knowing the kind of person you can be?
[ they are dead right now. so it's all hypotheticals, but she thinks what he wants for the girl in his memories is a false kind of life. ]
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Instead, he shakes his head, clarifying something that he doesn't want Shouxue to misunderstand--]
We're not--together. [He can't say he doesn't love her--especially not when Shouxue walked his memories and lived his feelings. She already knows that much.] She isn't... with me, like that.
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You're not? [ she's surprised. ] Oh.
[ she doesn't know what else to say. ]
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AND HELP. This would be so awkward if he didn't have a lifetime of experience correcting people's misconceptions about himself and Rosa, so he just smiles, though it's a tiny bit strained.]
It's okay.