[That's good to hear, at least. Luke isn't afraid to be assertive or aggressive if he feels it's necessary, but this wasn't anything like that.
It's a little funny, though--she isn't the first person to ask him that question.]
It's just something I had to do. [...But she's seen him cold and cruel, hasn't she? She deserves a little more than that.] He killed someone I wanted to protect. Even knowing it wasn't really him--I couldn't just let that go so easily.
[Luke doesn't answer right away, seemingly focused on whatever he's building. But after a few moments, he sets down the items in his hands, leaning back in his chair to look at her properly.]
Why are you asking me this, Shouxue? [His tone is calm, idly curious.] Is it because you can't understand my thinking, or because you're angry with me for doing it?
[ she's not emotionally honest, but she is straightforward about that. ]
I do not understand when Margaret didn't want you to do it.
[ he already knows she knows losing your temper for protection, but he was... rational isn't the word she wants to use, but he wasn't unrestrained either. she's had a life sheltered from a lot of interpersonal relations, and even if she knows much of how horrible people can be from how ghosts come to be and her own history, what luke did didn't make much sense to her, especially since he acknowledged dion's possession. ]
[Luke studies her for a little while, as if assessing the truth of her words, or maybe just thinking of how much truth he wants to share himself. Finally, he tips his head back.]
It's the same reason I'd accept people being angry with me. [For lying to them about being okay, or for causing them pain during the curfew, before his death.] No matter our reasoning or what was within our control--in the end, people still got hurt. That can't be changed, and it can't be undone.
Margaret lost her life. She can't ever get that back. [He does not know they're in a murdergame and will be revived.] I guess... I just wanted him to know what that means. How much it hurts.
[It very much was still an angry, emotional action; Luke has just had eight years of practice honing his control, and he had time to calm down before Dion arrived. He wouldn't have midtrialed, but he definitely would've had to be pulled off of Dion, had he been alive.]
I don't dislike him. I'm not happy that he's dead, even if I'm glad his mind is clear now. But I... it's hard for me to be okay with someone who hurt somebody I wanted to protect. This was the best middle ground I could find.
[ she does understand being angry at dion for killing someone he cares for, but she didn't think a punch was necessary. she doesn't think he has to be okay with dion ever. she doesn't think dion doesn't understand the gravity and weight of taking of a life.
she lost control in the memory that luke saw, but that was a very scary memory for her because she tries her utmost never to exorcise a spirit because that's wiping out someone's existence. she doesn't have the right even if she has the ability.
she listens and lets luke's words settle in her mind. ]
I don't think you have to get along with him. I don't think you have to be happy with him ever again. [ she's not a stranger to people being violent, but maybe it's because she didn't expect this from him. she didn't stop to consider his feelings more. ]
Because Margaret wasn't angry with him, I didn't think to understand your grief as much. I'm sorry.
[ it has been something she's failed at before—when she's too focused on the victim to think about those around the victim. ]
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no subject
It's a little funny, though--she isn't the first person to ask him that question.]
It's just something I had to do. [...But she's seen him cold and cruel, hasn't she? She deserves a little more than that.] He killed someone I wanted to protect. Even knowing it wasn't really him--I couldn't just let that go so easily.
no subject
But maybe it is her bias from having her own mind and emotions played with and how much she liked dion before dying. She shakes her head. ]
For your own satisfaction? Or retribution? Was it to settle your own feelings of powerlessness even though you were already here?
[ already dead. ]
no subject
Why are you asking me this, Shouxue? [His tone is calm, idly curious.] Is it because you can't understand my thinking, or because you're angry with me for doing it?
no subject
[ she's not emotionally honest, but she is straightforward about that. ]
I do not understand when Margaret didn't want you to do it.
[ he already knows she knows losing your temper for protection, but he was... rational isn't the word she wants to use, but he wasn't unrestrained either. she's had a life sheltered from a lot of interpersonal relations, and even if she knows much of how horrible people can be from how ghosts come to be and her own history, what luke did didn't make much sense to her, especially since he acknowledged dion's possession. ]
no subject
It's the same reason I'd accept people being angry with me. [For lying to them about being okay, or for causing them pain during the curfew, before his death.] No matter our reasoning or what was within our control--in the end, people still got hurt. That can't be changed, and it can't be undone.
Margaret lost her life. She can't ever get that back. [He does not know they're in a murdergame and will be revived.] I guess... I just wanted him to know what that means. How much it hurts.
[It very much was still an angry, emotional action; Luke has just had eight years of practice honing his control, and he had time to calm down before Dion arrived. He wouldn't have midtrialed, but he definitely would've had to be pulled off of Dion, had he been alive.]
I don't dislike him. I'm not happy that he's dead, even if I'm glad his mind is clear now. But I... it's hard for me to be okay with someone who hurt somebody I wanted to protect. This was the best middle ground I could find.
no subject
she lost control in the memory that luke saw, but that was a very scary memory for her because she tries her utmost never to exorcise a spirit because that's wiping out someone's existence. she doesn't have the right even if she has the ability.
she listens and lets luke's words settle in her mind. ]
I don't think you have to get along with him. I don't think you have to be happy with him ever again. [ she's not a stranger to people being violent, but maybe it's because she didn't expect this from him. she didn't stop to consider his feelings more. ]
Because Margaret wasn't angry with him, I didn't think to understand your grief as much. I'm sorry.
[ it has been something she's failed at before—when she's too focused on the victim to think about those around the victim. ]